Passive aggression is the tendency to express hostility indirectly through actions such as veiled insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or refusal to comply with requests. In Western psychology, this behavior is often referred to as toxic.

The term “passive aggression” was coined by American military psychiatrist William Menninger during World War II. He noticed that soldiers often refused to follow orders, were depressed and resentful, but attributed this to the stress of wartime.

The concept of aggression was actively studied by psychologist Sigmund Freud and the founder of Gestalt therapy Frederick Perls. Freud believed that passive aggression occurs when consciousness represses anger as a negative emotion into the subconscious. Perls compared this process to digestion: in order to assimilate new emotions and experiences, we need to “digest” them like food. That is, to show aggression. Suppressing aggression, in his opinion, negatively affects the human psyche.

Although this comparison may seem controversial, modern psychology agrees: if you prohibit open displays of aggression, a person will probably express it passively. This is why passive aggression most often manifests itself in work relationships, where a person cannot directly express complaints to the boss and begins to sabotage the work. This behavior is also common in interpersonal relationships, especially when one of the partners is an authoritarian figure with whom it is difficult to argue.

How to recognize hidden aggression:

Inability to directly refuse and open conflict. The passive aggressive person outwardly agrees, but acts the opposite, leaving hidden hints about your wrong behavior.

Concealing true feelings. When asked about their condition, such a person answers that everything is fine, but in a tone that clearly indicates the opposite.

Playing the silent game. The aggressor may completely ignore you, refusing to answer questions or acknowledge your presence.

Provoking anger. The goal is to accuse you of inciting conflict.

Sabotaging work. Frequent lateness, failure to complete or incomplete completion of tasks.

“Random” insults. For example, praise followed by belittling the achievement.

Sullenness and negative reactions to harmless comments.

Stubbornness with the aim of irritating others.

Reasons for passive-aggressive behavior

Situational factor: when open displays of aggression are socially unacceptable, such as in business or family relationships.

Choice factor: passive aggression may seem like an easier way to deal with emotions than direct confrontation.

Parenting factor: the most common cause is growing up in a family where direct expression of emotions was discouraged or prohibited.

How to counter passive aggression

Recent research shows effective ways to counter passive aggression, although they may not be easy to implement:

Give the bully time to sort out his feelings, then try to help.

Be clear about your feelings and expectations.

If you suspect a specific reason for aggression, ask about it directly.

Take the initiative, apologize if you feel that you have offended the person, and ask how the situation can be improved.

Do not respond to aggression with aggression - this will only make the situation worse.

Openly express your feelings and offer a respectful format for relations.

What to do if you recognize yourself in the description of a passive aggressive person?

Acknowledge the problem - this is the first step to awareness.

Permit yourself to be angry and express emotions openly.

Speak about your grievances, do not accumulate them.

Honestly determine the true cause of your dissatisfaction.

Do not mix different conflicts, consider each situation separately.

Give yourself time to change - this is not an easy process.

Practice expressing emotions in everyday life.

Resource: daily.afisha.ru